Balance Cock Bugle
Horological satire – sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves
Man Who Called $3,500 Seiko a “Cash Grab” Pre-Orders $18,300 Blancpain, Cites “Heritage”
SCHAUMBURG, IL — Kevin Peabody, who spent much of 2023 informing several watch forums that Seiko had “completely lost the plot” by charging $3,500 for the SJE093, has placed a fully paid pre-order for an $18,300 Blancpain Fifty Fathoms Bathyscaphe. Peabody originally condemned the SJE093 across four forums, comparing its price to 11 watches he did not own and three movements he had never handled. “Three and a half grand for a Seiko is insane,” he wrote at the time. “At that price, you’re paying for the name.” According to Peabody, paying $18,300 for a Blancpain does not present the same problem. “You’re looking at specifications. I’m looking at provenance,” he explained. “Blancpain invented the dive bezel in 1953. Do you know what Seiko was doing in 1953?” Peabody did not know what Seiko was doing in 1953. He confirmed that the 37.4mm Blancpain appealed to him for its compact dimensions, restrained styling, and historical connection to early dive watches. Asked whether those were the same qualities he had dismissed when evaluating the Seiko, Peabody shook his head. “You really can’t compare them.” Peabody then compared them for approximately 25 minutes. “The finishing is on another level,” he said. “You really have to handle one.” Peabody has not handled one. Forum members later resurfaced several of his old posts, including “$3,500 SEIKO LOL,” “Seiko Fanboys Will Defend Anything,” and “At What Point Is This Just Stockholm Syndrome?” Peabody dismissed the posts as outdated. “My collection has matured.” He also clarified that the 62MAS was “basically downstream from Blancpain.” “So really, I’m buying the original.”
Oregonian Evades Authorities and Races Toward Fires, “It’s Okay! I’ve Got a Ball Fireman.”
“Then he just broke into leg stretches and goes, ‘How long [have] I got? Thirty minutes? Forty-five minutes?’ He went on about how the smoke was no problem for a ball fireman’s tritium tubes and I should watch out…”
Husband with Selective Taste Begs Wife, “Please, Please Don’t Buy Me Another Watch”
I mean why own one or two Rolexes when you could have several dozen-” His voice trailed off before reaching back in the box, “…Kenneth Cole Reactions.”
[Satire] Mark Zuckerberg Purchases Rolex Brand… Just Because.
Zuckerberg comments, “That new blueberry Submariner kind of reminds me of our Facebook logo,” he remarked. “I think I’ll keep that one. All of that one. The ‘smurf’ too.”
IWC Stoked That COVID and BLM Have Eclipsed the Toxic Male Investigations Led by #MeToo.
“F**k me, bro,” he began. “They had us by the balls for sure. I didn’t know if we’d ever be able shake the bad press haunting us from those earlier ads.”
Top Reddit Watch Seller Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize
“In the past year, despite a global pandemic, social unrest, and economic catastrophe, [Ramachandran] successfully found homes for thousands of neglected watches.”
Ebay Seller Lists, “Used/Superb Leather Hodinkee Straps – in USED, Honest Condition, See Comments. No Returns.”
Included in the lot are three pairs at fifty percent off retail for a BuyItNow price of $528 + $75 shipping—a bargain to any enthusiast who’s been coveting a watch strap bearing the website’s stamp.
Man Tears Rotator Cuff Trying To Get Rolex Into Frame On Video Call
ReadySetMarketing is contesting Mr. Jung’s filing of worker’s compensation, stating that his Rolex isn’t an essential tool for his day to day duties and that no one else in the video call had their camera on except him.
YouTube Watch Reviewer Confused That He Can’t Pay Rent with Freebies
“I showed her the quality of the logo on the box.” Blaine Parker, the YouTube watch reviewer, explained as he raised a box for us to see the embossed lettered. “See? That’s pressed into the box – not printed. Quality!
Adult Diaper Purchases Spike in Anticipation of Collectors Sh**ting Themselves for Latest Rolex Reveal
In the wake of COVID-19 preparation, America’s populace learned a valuable lesson in emergency preparedness; purchase all the toilet paper you can. With news that Rolex has been leaking updates for their latest releases. Enthusiasts everywhere are primed for soiling themselves.
Watch Collector Optimistic with Latest Acquisition’s Potential to Raise His Sex Appeal
Having come across a flattering photo of Ryan Reynolds in a Google search for “celebrity watch brands,” Melvin Greenberg, 41, was convinced, “This is the one. This is the one that will finally get me laid.”
Bahamian Vacationer Drowns Due To Bezel Play
“I don’t understand. I told Mr. Baker that it was time to surface,” Ramon, their tour guide explained “But he just kept looking at his watch and saying something about ISO standards and asking me if my Apple Watch was ISO COSC.”