Watch Collector Optimistic with Latest Acquisition’s Potential to Raise His Sex Appeal

SEATTLE, WA—Having come across a flattering photo of Ryan Reynolds in a Google search for “celebrity watch brands,” Melvin Greenberg, 41, was convinced, “This is the one. This is the one that will finally get me laid.”

Before Piaget, Melvin had trialed several different watch companies with mixed celebrity endorsements, none of which had proven fruitful. He was convinced that the Tag Heuer Carrera, backed by the star power of Tom Brady and actor Brad Pitt, would have been a little overkill… but that, too, appeared faulty in effect. Sure enough, politics have a tendency to make their way into sponsorships which could have muddied the waters—alliances are frequently broken and re-established. Pitt, for example, had been swapped out by Tag for Leonardo DiCaprio.

Melvin believes, “It’s possible women were confused by the switch because now Brad Pitt’s an ambassador for Breitling. I can barely keep up with this, myself.”  Against his better judgement, Melvin had purchased a Breitling Chronomat (just to be sure), even though he knew there was no mistaking him for a pilot.


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With Reynolds’ Deadpool 2 having earned $786 million at the box office, a new record was set for the highest grossing rated R-film of all time. Reynolds’ persona had become synonymous with Deadpool’s—a relationship that would surely become tantamount for Piaget in return—and indistinguishably linked to how Melvin would be perceived.

For Melvin, it was the final touch to his innuendo-heavy profession of mattress sales, where he knew women would subliminally associate him with, “comfort and dreamscapes,” among “other forms of horizontal refreshment.”

Main Photo Credit: Mr Guy Aroch (mrporter.com


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Damon Bailey( Contributor )

Damon is based out of the Bay Area, where he’s a black sheep among Apple Watch loyalists. Having served as a Combat Engineer with the USMC, he believes a true field watch’s success is measured by how closely it compares to a “G-Shock.” Nonsensically, a background in design has guided his preference toward higher craft, as he struggles to become the lifestyle his watch tastes more closely reflect.


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