LOS ANGELES, CA—For many, 2019’s cultural shift could best be remembered as the wake up call America needed to acknowledge the victimization caused by sexual abuse. To some, it was simply “a good start.” Regardless, the media carried its message loud and clear; no person or entity would be spared the investigative scrutiny driven by the #MeToo movement. While reports are inconclusive, it’s estimated that those impacted were at least 90 percent women.
The ensuing audit of our culture for trace amounts of testosterone was thorough enough to impress the most stringent of gestapo—there was little IWC could do to bypass the attention, lest they remove all the, “absolutely no girls allowed signs” duct taped to their exhibition case displays.
It wouldn’t be long before 2020’s coronavirus and civil unrest would pivot the nation’s focus. Chad Richards, IWC’s head of U.S. marketing, was counting his blessings.
“F**k me, bro,” he began. “They had us by the balls for sure. I didn’t know if we’d ever be able shake the bad press haunting us from those earlier ads.”
Richards took a beat to adjust his belt buckle, further adding, “I mean, it was like… we stepped in a s**t… which was actually the baited trigger of a bear trap… one of those big, old rustic ones that would look badass on your office wall, you know? Only… on the side, instead of “made in America” it read, ‘How do you like me now, bitch?’ He motioned his hips, figuratively thrusting upward, ‘F**k you, f**k you, f**k you,'” and eventually concluded, “Literally, it required several acts of God to pry off their lockjaw.”
When questioned if IWC had anything to add regarding BLM or the pandemic, he replied, “Yes, absolutely. God bless BLM, God bless COVID, God bless the troops, and God bless America. Stay safe, you guys. It’s all kinds of nuts out there.”
Editor’s Note: The TBWS crew wants to clarify that these are real IWC ads and they’ve not been manipulated in any way.
Damon is based out of the Bay Area, where he’s a black sheep among Apple Watch loyalists. Having served as a Combat Engineer with the USMC, he believes a true field watch’s success is measured by how closely it compares to a “G-Shock.” Nonsensically, a background in design has guided his preference toward higher craft, as he struggles to become the lifestyle his watch tastes more closely reflect.