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The Balance Cock Bugle [Satire]

Man develops Chew Addiction, Facial Hair, and PTSD after Prolonged G-Shock Exposure.

Stultz is among a small but growing population to experience side effects after prolonged exposure to their Casio G-Shock, the timepiece of choice for the “go-anywhere do-anything” tactical professional.  For him, and select individuals who share his affliction, the shift in change can be felt by others in its wake.

H. Moser & Cie. Jumps the Shark with “the Fonz” Minute Repeater

Unveiled yesterday, controversial watch brand H. Moser & Cie. has taken cheeky clichés to the next level with their latest release, a tribute to ABC’s beloved sitcom Happy Days.

New Website Skindiver.com Identifies Watches seen in Adult Films

“It’s just crazy how in the year of 2020, with all the websites Watchville has to offer, there isn’t a single trace of information to help identify wristwatches seen in porn.”

John Mayer Tests Fanaticism with LE Invicta Release

… Read more

Zodiac to Partner with Candy Companies for Limited Edition Bezel Colorways

“By this time next year, we’ll expand even further into the junk food franchises… get ready for the Pink Starburst Seawolf.  The Astropop. The Count Chocula GMT… Ecto Cooler… The Hamburglar… Cool Ranch Doritos… iconic names for iconic color sets.

Cancelled Nautilus leaves AD’s Relieved: “No more Bribes with Sexual Favors”

Many dealers are now looking forward to what most have taken for granted; walking to their vehicle without fear of being stalked or healthier relationships without fear of being forcefully compromised.

Man Regrets Trading Left Testicle for Breitling Watch: “It didn’t Even Have an In-House Movement”

“I guess I have a backup if need be,” Conners conceded. “And I always did love Travolta in those talking baby movies…”

Aspiring Flipper Fails Miserably: “Buying’s Easy But People Won’t Pay as Much As I Want”

“Buying’s the easy part, but people won’t pay me as much as I want. I have no idea how Hodinkee does it.” The social media user shook his head

Dead Man Insists on Being Buried with “Newman” Daytona… To The Chagrin of His Family

“To my beloved Janet, I wish to honor our original agreement of ‘until death do we part’—and so I’ll be parting you with my Newman in tow…”

Buzz Aldrin’s Omega Speedmaster Found in a box of discarded NASA “Gen 1 Tech Scrap” [SATIRE]

I figured, ‘Hey, gear adrift is a gift!’ but when I realized it wasn’t a G-Shock I figured, ‘what’s the point.’ Plus, you gotta wind that sh*t every day.”

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