Man Regrets Trading Left Testicle for Breitling Watch: “It didn’t Even Have an In-House Movement”

By: Damon Bailey

When it came to buyer’s remorse, Leighton Conner’s perception was no different than the thousands that had come before him. These were trivial events chopped up to building character… like eating seafood from a land-locked country or getting a lap dance from a small town strip club.
Nothing prepared him for the regret of purchasing a Breitling Bentley chronograph from Tourneau at full MSRP. While his credit may not have been enough to secure Affirm payments, “Isn’t there anything else we can do” opened the door to an oft-overlooked last resort opportunity.

“Well, I mean… we do accept trades for left testicles here.”

Conners thought it over as he thumbed through Breitling’s promo catalog with a glass of champagne in the other hand. John Travolta stared back him, arms folded and offering confidence. “I guess I have a backup if need be,” Conners conceded. “And I always did love Travolta in those talking baby movies…”

After signing the necessary waivers and “no return” policy, the procedure was swift. “Honestly it didn’t hurt that bad,” Conners recalled. “At least, nothing like the pain of finding out my girlfriend said the watch looked cool… just to be encouraging.” His hands took turns holding the 49mm chronograph, reacquainting himself with its heft. “Apparently she never liked it… said it was too purple and gaudy.” Conners paused then placed it back on the shelf. “Purple and flashy is whatever, but the tough part came with knowing it was just an ETA stock movement.” He winced at the thought. “An ebauche.”

When questioned about how his life may have been compromised by the procedure, Conners simply shrugged with resignation.  “I guess part of me thought the sales guy was just cracking a joke… like, one of those things that just mean how bad you want something…”  His voice trailed off.  “You know, taking the hits on MSRP’s hard… the time and cost in general.  Flipping and getting catfished on Ebay’s hard but we learn to deal.  But the whole testicle thing… trading my left nut’s definitely been the hardest thing about watch collecting to date.”

Follow TBWS On Instagram

 
Advertisement
   

Leave a Comment