New York,, NY – For nearly 80 years, Jaeger LeCoultre has crowned themselves undisputed heavyweight champion as the choice timepiece for polo—the equestrian “king’s sport” that’s almost as passé as it is aristocratic.  Impressive as it may sound, the modern era has yet to produce a horse-back player with the fabled Reverso on the wrist during an actual game. Nevertheless, it’s an intriguing, if not utterly meaningless point of design they seem to be very content to hang their hat on.  Top hat, actually.

Move over, Jaeger. Ralph Lauren is coming for you.

At the sprite age of 80, the billionaire fashion designer was all too eager to share how he’d take on the Reverso with a polo watch design of his own. “It really was only a matter of time,” Lauren began.  “I mean… our culture is literally called ‘Polo.’  The polo player logo has become synonymous with style and class. In essence, “image marketing”—which, by the way, was a concept I created. So to any brand that wanted to be something more than its literal existence,” he paused to shield the balcony air from lighting his pipe and then resumed once satisfied.  “To you, I say you’re welcome.”

It will be a first for the Polo brand, a company that has been exclusively focused on lifestyle appearances, to ever produce a sports watch.  For this reason, critics are skeptical of how it might best prepare for adverse conditions, specifically shock or impact—or really, any particular movement associated with polo.  When pressed, these details were omitted.  However, Lauren did disclose that the watch’s bezel would be carved from a three-hundred year-old mahogany tree adjacent to an orchard that produced apples to feed thoroughbreds that might one day play polo.

He then added, “And what would you say if I were to tell you that its strap was sourced from the finest Egyptian crocodile one could procure from London?”

It is, to say the least, an ambitious project for the entrepreneur to take on in the twilight of his career.  In spite of this, confidence has been his mainstay.  When asked how Jaeger might respond, Lauren looked almost annoyed as he ran his fingers over the fatigued stock of a flintlock scattergun.

“Didn’t your mom ever tell you, ‘Never f**k with a man who wears pink sweaters?”’

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