Jaded Wife Donates Husband’s Watches to Trick-Or-Treat Candy Bag Due to Political Differences

By: Damon Bailey

ARDMORE, PA – Unbeknownst to Roy Stevens, this past Halloween his wife Karen give away several Butterfingers, Hershey’s kisses, Jolly Ranchers, and handful of vintage Longines chronographs because, “Seriously he deserved it. You should see who he’s voting for in the upcoming election. A few misplaced watches are nothing compared to Armageddon he intends to unleash upon the rest of the country.”

The vintage pieces were first noticed as missing by Roy when he intended to reach for something from his watch box that would evoke fall foliage to compliment the perfect thematic Instagram post. “My grandfather passed on to me this beautiful 13ZN movement Longines with a tropical gilt dial. It looked like rusty pumpkin pie… really there was no other way to describe it.” He looked back across his case windows in total disbelief where three of them appeared to be absent. “I mean, forgetting where one or two might be isn’t super uncommon… but three? I’m starting to get a little worried.”

When our crew asked if he’s ever misplaced watches in the past, Roy admitted, “I’m usually a Nazi about it… but every few years a couple more go missing. I had to file some pricey insurance claims back in 2016 and again a few years earlier.  Karen says I shouldn’t be surprised with how much I travel. It’s why I can’t be trusted with nice things.”

“Like a country where its liberties are taken for granted.”

“That’s irrelevant, hon.”

“Sure it is, Roy. Mansplain it to me again.”

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